My husband is super hot. Seriously, the day I laid eyes on him…I wanted to lay a lot more than just eyes on him. Not only is he hot, he’s the smartest man I’ve ever known. Seriously, he’s a genius. Not only is he hot and smart, he’s a hard worker…the man can never sit still. Not only is he hot and smart and a hard worker, he’s great at balancing our budget.
Not only is he hot and smart and a hard worker and a good budget balancer… he can fix anything.
Cinderella and Snow White and Sleeping Beauty can all kiss my ass. All their princes ever did was look nice. I’ve won the best husband award.
But I think his hobby is to either make me feel stupid or just confuse the hell out of me.
“Flux Capacitor”. That’s the word I’ve leaned on to explain how shit works. It’s all I need. Why? Because I’ve decided I’m never going to live without Jeff. So as long as I can always remember the term flux capacitor, my shit will always work.
My husband will explain detail by detail how the channel changer clicker works, or how a software program he’s developed for our multi-billion dollar global bank where we are both employed works. Or how he increased my RAM to make more room to fit pictures of my dogs and musical soundtracks (yeah baby!). Or installed a thingy in a whatsit for the pool, or gas line, or the box with the flashy lights that allows me to get on the interwebs.
What I hear, as he explains in his incredibly deep and sexy bass voice is: “You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, flux capacitor it, bake it, saute it. Dey’s uh, flux capacitor, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo, flux capacitor, pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s flux capacitor, pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, flux capacitor shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, flux capacitor burger, shrimp sandwich… Flux capacitor.”
He’s even idiot-proofed our wifi names so I don’t keep getting frustrated why my signal is so bad. This made us have to explain a lot to my neighbors!
I’ve perfected the “Mm-hm” and “Cool, baby”, and “Wow” and most importantly when he tells me how he’s solved a problem using his super smart and sexy brain, the hug and kiss and “Great job, baby!”
I love and appreciate and am extremely turned on by him. He’s my favorite person in the world that I didn’t birth.
And every time he gives me the deep sigh and eye roll when I’ve asked a question he has probably answered one or two (dozen) times before …“Why isn’t the TV working?”… I know he is secretly thrilled that I need him so much and probably literally wouldn’t be able to live without him.